Dr. Krista Schultz, Associate Vice President of Strategic Partnerships and Alumni at Yorkville University, and Paula Allen, Global Leader, Research and Client Insights at TELUS Health share the power of saying “no” without guilt.
The holiday season is known for many things. Twinkling lights, festive music, decorated homes, carefully wrapped gifts, and gatherings with family and friends.
And the stress. Oh, the stress.
While the holidays are marketed as a time for peace and joy, it also carries an undercurrent of stress. According to the TELUS Mental Health Index, which examines the mental health of employed people, both men and women experience a notable drop in overall mental health during the holiday season, declining particularly in late autumn, with the lowest point in early February. Meanwhile, a 2024 survey conducted by Yorkville University’s Department of Behavioural Sciences showed that nearly half of Canadians name December as the most stressful month. The survey also found a strong connection between financial stress — which is elevated during the holidays — and an individual’s mental wellbeing.
However, women are disproportionately impacted by holiday stress, with the Index showing that they are typically 40 per cent more likely than men to report feeling heightened stress during the holidays, and 30 per cent more concerned about affording gifts. The expectation of gift-giving, holiday parties and entertaining — all while managing day-to-day responsibilities — creates a perfect storm of stress for many women, particularly working mothers.
This finding echoes results from an American Psychological Association survey, which also found that holiday stress increases the likelihood that women will turn to unhealthy behaviors like using food to deal with stress or drinking alcohol. Societal expectations of “doing it all” weigh heavily, often leading to burnout, feelings of inadequacy and a sense of failure when plans don’t go exactly as hoped.
For the same reasons women are feeling holiday stress in the first place, many avoid seeking help until the holiday chaos is over. According to the TELUS Mental Health Index and TELUS Employee Assistance Program (EAP) data, there is a decline in mental health scores around the holidays, yet most people likely won’t seek help until January. This may indicate that many women feel they must “power through” the season, putting their own wellbeing last in favour of meeting others’ needs.
It sounds obvious, but it must be said: The holidays shouldn’t be a period of silent suffering.
There are many cultural, sociological and power systems at play here, not to mention the role social media plays in comparison culture. But from a mental wellbeing perspective, there are things women can do to support themselves during this time of the year.
In particular, women should not feel guilty for releasing unrealistic expectations, delegate tasks, accept help, prioritize self-care and get proper rest.
One of the most powerful strategies is surrounding oneself with a supportive community, whether it be family, friends or colleagues. Leaning on others, especially during times of heightened stress like the holidays, can provide valuable emotional support, but also practical help when needed – whether it is helping with holiday preparations, offering a listening ear, or simply being present in this often overwhelming season.
Dr. Kristin Neff’s research on self-compassion emphasizes the importance of being kind to one’s self, particularly during times of stress. By embracing self-compassion, one can release self judgment and focus on what truly matters. The holidays should be a time of joy, not survival.
Managing controllable aspects like sleep, exercise and even hormone awareness can also help reduce holiday stress. Professional support, whether from physicians or mental health experts, can be invaluable. Mindfulness techniques, proven to alleviate stress, can also play a vital role. The Free Mindfulness Project is a resource worth exploring. Breathing exercises are also effective yet frequently overlooked when feeling overwhelmed. Many apps offer brief, calming exercises that help reduce stress.
Finally, women can’t be expected to do this alone. They can be encouraged to ask for and accept support from their families and communities, and also explore different options or choices they have when it comes to holiday obligations. Employers may also play a supporting role when it comes to fostering overall wellbeing. Workplaces can foster an environment where taking time for mental health is not only encouraged but normalized. TELUS Health suggests employers prioritize mental wellbeing by offering flexible work schedules, mental health days and promoting services available through employee assistance programs (EAPs), such as mental health support, work/life services, and related resources, year-round. By doing so, employers can proactively help support the wellbeing of their workforce.
These suggestions won’t make the holidays completely stress free, but they are proven ways to take better care of ourselves.
Remember, setting boundaries and managing expectations isn’t just self-care — it’s a gift to oneself and those around them, ensuring a more peaceful and genuinely festive experience for all. By embracing the power of saying “no” without guilt and building a community of support around them, women can reclaim the joy of the holiday season.
_____________________________________________________________________________
Paula Allen is the Global Leader, Research and Client Insights at TELUS Health. In this role she manages the research agenda for TELUS Health, which includes primary research, exploratory data science, research collaborations and meta-analyses. She is a well-recognized expert in all areas of workplace mental health, learning strategies, disability management and drug plan management.
Dr. Krista Schultz is the Associate Vice President of Strategic Partnerships and Alumni at Yorkville University with a focus on fostering collaboration and building meaningful partnerships with external stakeholders and alumni. As a psychologist for the past 20 years her work focuses on culturally competent assessment practises, trauma-informed care, and supporting marginalized groups to access supports and services for positive mental health and independent living.
